I had always hated sales. I didn’t have a choice though, I needed a second job. Being a waitress was not option. I prefer people being ru
de to me over the phone than to my face. I was fine with selling SPCA diaries and bookmarks for 20 rand commission on each sale. Three hours every evening was not bad. This particular night I decided to walk home, paying 5 rands didn’t make any financial sense. I had made no sales. A car slow down next to me as I walked. Fear shook me -there had been a white VW Jetta that was mugging people in Berea. I quickly crossed the road and brisk walked. From the side of my eye I saw it stopped. I was relieved. I gave myself a talking to for not taking a taxi, not be repeated.
The next day- I finished my day job as a debt collector and rushed to the sales job. I told the girls I worked with about the previous night. We needed to walk in groups and take taxis home. If we could get a taxi to drop all of us off, it would be even better. We walked out to the bus stop together. The same car as yesterday rolled up to the bus stop. I told them.
“ Abaze la. Ngeke sisabe bona sibaningi kanje. Bayadelela laba.”
My stomach knotted but I was part of the resistance so I stood there shielded by the crowd this time. The car stopped. A well dressed man walked out and greet. I could feel everyone’s defences drop.
“Ngicela ukukhuluma nosisi lo ogqoke uyellow.” He pointed at me
I still looked around.
“Sthe oe ukhuluma nawe.” One of the ladies said.
“Angikhulumi nezigebengu .” I resisted.
I slept terrifies yesterday and today I must have a nice chat, never days.
“Igama nguAfrika.Ngiyaxolisa umangikuthusile. Nayizolo bengizama ukukhuluma nawe nkosazane.”
We had an audience. Thank goodness a taxi pulled up. I pushed through and I was the first one to get inside. We left his standing there.
In the days to follow he was at the bus stop waiting. On Friday he offered everybody drinks up road. They agreed. I wanted to go home but the ladies asked me to go. I agreed. I had a nice time. He kept his distance and would on occasion check if I was ok. Before midnight he offered to take home. He would drop me off and the three other ladies if I was uncomfortable. He seemed sweet. It had been a while since any man had just been nice. I gave him my number.
In weeks to come he picked me up in the morning to take me to my day job and he would pick me up from the evening job. I had never received flowers in my life. This man had a hundred roses delivered to me within 2 months of knowing each other. A note in the roses “I hope you are falling for me as hard as I am for you. Let me take care of you” I was elated. I could see changes in myself, I was glowing. This man wanted to know me and the things I aspired for. I told him about my plan to start Development Studies in Unisa as soon as my sister was done with her final year next year. In November he encouraged me to register with TMali to keep busy for the first part to of the following year. He paid for the Afrikan Feminism course in full. I could nott remember being in such an enabling relationship.
Working in December can be such a drag, even on Saturdays you one has to work. My sister was back for the holidays and waking up to go every morning was such a pain. Afrika still picked me up. The sales job closed on the 15th of December. My sister, Afrika and I spent most evening together. After Christmas lunch, he said;
“ Mhlawumbe kuze fanele ngizohlala nani la indlini.”
I was taken aback. We’d been together for 7 months but moving in together was a huge step. I laughed it off. My sister seemed keen. The last thing I wanted was to mess with a relationship that works.
My sister went back to school, for the first time I didn’t have to get micro loans for her year’s start. I was also relieved because I knew this was the last year I would have to worry about her. I too had something to look forward to; my own studies to TMali. Honestly Afrika was amazing. The evening sales job was intense, we had to push for journals and diaries before people lost interest. Afrika suggested I drop the sales job when I start my course I February and that he would take care of the things that money was sorting out. He’d always kept his word. I dropped it.
Studying with a full time job is not easy. Studying with a full time and a boyfriend was rough. He wanted to be with me all the time which I liked but this was an opportunity for me to gauge what being a UNISA student for a degree would be like. I wanted to excel. He wasn’t too happy with the little time he was getting. The “moving in” together conversation came up again, during a fight about me being too busy all the time these day.
“Kuyacaca ukuthi uma usuqale idegree angikhohlwe uwena. Ngecourse encane awusatholakani. If besihlala sonke things would be better. Senajwayela ukuhlupheka Sthe! Let your man take care of you.” He shouted.
Something about the way he spoke frightened me. He noticed and stopped.
“Ngiyabonga ngako konke ongenzela kona. I am trying to understand why moving in together so important to you?”
“Uyazingiyakuthanda. I want to wake up to you every morning”
Something about moving together made me uncomfortable. On average he was at our flat 3 nights a week. Why was that not enough for him? He slept over that night. Took me to work that morning. It was tense.
In the afternoon my sister called - she says Afrika was asking how close we were with our extended family. He told her he was considering lobola. I wasn’t ready to move in together let alone getting married. I had told him I would be doing my assignment so he wouldn’t be coming. I called him, I needed to let him know that I didn’t want to get married for a while.
“Kanti abantu mabethandana zuke bedlala yini? Yin’ ndaba ungiphathisa okwethoyisi. Awufuni ukuhlala nami! Awufuni ukushada nami!”
I explained that I wanted all of it… just not now. He was livid. I could feel him seething through the phone. I was glad he wasn’t here. He didn’t fetch me in the morning. His phone was off for days after that conversation. I wished he knew how much I loved him. I just have stuff I want to accomplish too.
He called. I was so relieved. I told him I don’t want to fight. I asked him to come over to iron things out. He came. He was so cold and distant, I wasn’t sure how to deal with him.
“ Afrika I would hate to loose you over this.”
“Yekela ukungenza isilima! Do you know how many women complain ukuthi abashadwa? I do everything for you man!”
He shook me by the shoulders. “Ufunani le engingayenzi ngitshele!”
He threw me on the sofa. He paced up and done. I kept thinking- who is this guy? I’d seen glimpses but I had never met this raging man before.
“You are weighing you option now ne! Usungu-clever! Ngiyazi niyajolana kumaCall Centre. Usuyajola?!”
“Yazi yini, since you want to be miss educated you’ll leave that job uhlale la ufunde. How much time do you need three years, four years before ungibone nje ngendoda yakho?”
I sat on the couch like a child. My shoulders hurt. I wasn’t going to answer any of it. Who does he think he is? Coming into my life and dictating terms. I felt sick, I wanted to vomit. This relationship was over.
“I think you should leave. Ngicela ungiphumela, usuyangithusa.” I whimpered.
“Ngiyaxolisa. Surely you can understand how painful rejection is. Please sthandwa sami ngixolela”
I asked him to leave regardless. He left.
I sent him a text; “Afrika we want the same thing but the timing is off. I see that I am hurting you and it’s not my intention, before something terrible happens I think we should take a break.”
He texted back;
“Uyadakwa!”
I told my sister about that happened. She was as shocked as me. I had seen glimpse of his anger but today was on another level. We talked about all the stories of women who see the signs and don’t leave. I was not about to be a statistic. It was over I was done. I missed him though, not the guy who just left. Afrika; the guy who was always showing up for me, he loved me, he understood me. I missed that guy. I could understand his frustration, but I’d always been upfront about how I needed things to go in my life . I just wanted him back.
I'd had enough time to think about the series of events that took place last night when I was commuting to work. He was frustrated. I sent him a text;
“I am sad things had to end this way.”
He texted. “ Xolisa siyidlulise lento”
“Its over Afrika, I am just sorry it is because of me.”
“Can we talk at lunch? I need you to know how I am feeling” He asked
My lunch was 13:30, it was just 30 minutes. I wanted to see his face, a part of me really wanted us to work through this. It was so hard to imagine being without him. He walked in, his perfume filled the whole cafeteria. I wanted to run to him. He was contained, no smiles. I looked down gathering courage for this conversation. Someone yelled;
“Gun!”
Something heavy hit my head.I felt myself falling. It was noisy.
“What the fuck just happened?”
Darkness
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