Human beings seem to be the only animals that have the capacity to stick together. I am totally thumb sucking this- somewhere in the animals kingdom there must be animals who are the same if not better at commitment to a life partner. Human beings may claim superiority because they think themselves to be at the top of the hierarchy of being. Human beings commonly get married as a sign of commitment to a life time partnership with a significant other. This practice is generally marked by ring wearing, incidentally on the ring finger. Like the animal kingdom the practice of ring wearing is to warn others that this human has committed and therefore ward off unwanted attention. What then if the marked creature wonders off as if no commitment was ever made?
A long time ago I heard of the humans labelled as MBA’s - not of the smart kind but of the Married But Available assortment. This lot of people think commitment is nothing serious, in fact the streets say they marry so that they can become available. Confused? Let me clarify; they enter into marriage for love, stability, security and all the great thing- they can also wander in the streets for a little something extra. They come in multiple varieties; married and serial “relationshipping”, wham-bam-thank you ma’am, undercover brother. I am pretty sure you know someone who fall into these variety.
The “serial relationshipper” is not likely to tell you he’s married. He is the sort who will meet you and tell you he is in a complicated relationship. He is consistent with the call and texts. He is very interested in you and your life and says very little about his. He will wine and dine you -and respect your boundaries, off cause these are fantastic qualities. You see yourself on his Instragram, WhatsApp stories and you are convinced that the deal is sealed. Bye-bye gone girl because by the time you come up for air your boyfriend has a wife. What must to can happen now? This one will attempt to show you how this mess can be sustained forever.
The wham –bammer is generally a “reformed ufck boy” who never lost his handbook. This one gets your number and the texts stream in. Two seconds later he’s calling you baby. Hayi bo jwang? He showers you with compliments, mostly inappropriate. If his looks don’t get you,his charm will. He’s probably got a conference coming up and you are invited for the 2 nights. Ufck boy won’t even pay for his own ufcks, it must be on some else’s tab…that someone could even be you. He also puts the d* down so you are likely to come for seconds and thirds…uzoku-hurta. Phuma lapho! His marriage will be mentioned in passing to either advance and to end his side mission.
Undercover brother iNgwenya (the don). His family life is perfect. Not a hair out of place. He draws you in as a friend. He orientates around his life, all the while telling you how into you he is. He will do what I term “Ngwenyaring”- this is the art of inviting your love interest to your house so that they see how happy you are. They show you that nothing is broken. If you choose to give in to their advances, it’s on you because actually they have it together it is just a case of variety being the spice of life and all that. This one is at the peak of ufkery because he will still require you to be committed to him – you knew what you were getting yourself into moss!
Polygamy and polyamory are viable relationship option and they allow everyone to choose if they want to be part of a multi-party venture. These ones choose for you because in the hierarchy of being, they see themselves as superior. If you are the life partner remember John Legend said it “love hurts sometimes when you do it right”. If you find out that you are being taken for a long hairy ride, upon confrontation you are made to understand that they are “married but it’s not serious”.
The level of clownering being done unto us my gyel. This could easily be part of a short story advisory book that should be titled "Letters to our daughters"