I am writing to you from the epicentre of GONE GIRL Island, a public park called MGOWO central and the language spoken here is WOW. I had been warned many times about this particular destination but I thought having my big girl panties on for a SITUATIONSHIP would cushion my fall. Even if it did not, I find it so upsetting that CATCHING FEELINGS has become synonymous with taking a wild walk up sh*t’s creek. Being in a relationship is no guarantee that you will not find yourself in Mgowo central. This very morning a fellow gone girl received receipts on of how her man has been busy elsewhere and proceeded to say on a pictorial platform story “…now you can be with him fully.” Of one night stands, situationships, talking, dating…what is the truth? I hope you have your wines or whisky because wow…
I would like to say that spell check does not recognise the word ‘situationship’ and therefore it cannot be a real phenomenon. Human beings like to create traps that make their lives complicated and then act shocked. I am human beings. ‘Gone girl’ started out as the principal of sitationships, teaching classes of the art of giving a ufck, waking up at 3 am to give more and it is not of the scones variety. I was hailed ‘My President’ when I holding down three sphithiphithi part timers in one place, attending to each one - no sweat in sight. I even packaged one without any drama. Watchu you know about dribbling skills? This is precisely why I am sipping wines here thinking; how did I get here? Sifike kanjani at this Wow?!
The wine is setting in so let me theorise… also to say I am a beer drinker myself but this bit of complexity I imagined is the sort wine drinkers drunken text about. I digress. This person and I started what I have recently found out is called “talking” – apparently here you are talking all the time about anything and everything and you may or may not be having casual sex. As a person, I enjoy considered conversation and consistency- mans delivered. This person knows what I am doing on the daily, he is affirming, warm, quirky and has weird and wonderful way GAS ME up. This has been going on for a while now…so on an odd day when I wake up to no text in the morning I panic, until I summon up the courage to say something first. I am sending an SOS right now because I think I may be in a practice relationship… we are “talking” not dating. A part of me already knows dating is not on the cards but the pain hurts so good!
Using the words of a fellow human who has been dribbled recently, if someone said “…now you can fully be with him.” Would I jump at the chance? Am I here at Mgowo central because I refuse to take responsibility for something real and so I am on a QWERTY hideout instead of actually relationshipping? It would mean I am swinging happily on sh*t’s creek and that is terrifying. My fears of dating and being in a relationship are not unfounded. The last one was four years ago and it was incredibly toxic from both ends. However I do think I may be out here half *ssing so that I can continue being part of Mgowo Incorporated. If you are just like me, take a deep breathe…say it with me; “I am summoning courage from this thirty five rands bottle of ‘Cinsaut Ruby Carbenet’ - cover me I’m going in! If I die, I die”. Somebody send nappies because LOL.
Why are you writing about my life. What a wow. What a headache. What a I want Sbwl but responsibility is saying aaah no