It took me a long time to say the word “SEX” boldly. I used to cringe when I have to say it even when I needed to use the word referencing the human anatomy. In my language sex used to sound vulgar- “ukutyana”, “ukukhwelana”, sounded better to say “indibano yesondo” though not as fun as “ukuheva”. I struggled to enunciate the word but partook in the act of it a lot. While we are here, what do you call vaginas and penises? Those body parts have some the weirdest names. I grew up calling the vagina (vulvas actually) ikuku, ibhentsa and the clitoris; ikhozo. The penis in my language is in ncanca – I have always wondered if the word is a sound derivative because of what the penis does or sounds like during sex. My brain is a strange place but please come with me. Any way, I would use these words with a whisper and a giggle. Retrospectively, I think it is the relationship we have with our bodies the gives us varied sexual experiences or even sexual negotiation skills.
I remember the first time I ever masturbated. It was a dry season for the sex. Casual help was nowhere to be found. Don’t make that face, casual work is for all of us and it is an important part of the sexual ecosystem. Anyway I was reading up on African goddeses and I had a bunch of books from the library all of which I thought were about goddess. This particular book’s cover had a bunch of chocolate skinned, thick ladies with just nipples covered in jewellery. Don’t judge me for not reading the back of the book. Turns out it was a book on sexual pleasure. The goddess heard my Cerebos cry. Yasss I deserved…but from who?!
I skipped through pages barely reading, there were enough naked picture for me to feel hot and bothered. While skipping through I came to a chapter titled “SELF PLEASURE- NOBODY CAN DO IT BETTER”. I closed my bedroom door, even though I lived alone. I was not going to give peeping toms a chance because I already knew I was going to try this self-help chapter from the goddesses. This chapter cautioned about cleanliness. Don’t touch chillies and touch your vulva type of vibes. Yey wena! Get completely naked. Lay on the bed, floor or couch on your back. Make sure you are comfortable. Put pillow where extra comfort is needed. Relax your body. Caress your nipples with the three middle fingers. There is no rush…is there a sensation. Lightly move both hands from nipple brushing passed your belly to your thighs. Caress the top of your thighs and casually moving to your inner thighs. Lightly stroke you inner thighs and let your fingers slight tease you vulva. Your hands are now warm. Open your leg to a comfortable distance. Nobody’s comin between them legs today so do you boo boo, literally. Sorry! Shhh. Focus! Your ring finger and index finger pry your vulva lips open, your middle finger caresses your khozo at your desired pace. Be patient and think sensual or raunchy thoughts while caressing your clitoris. If you’ve ever RSVP’d to a party and not cum today you will. That day I did.
Sexual pleasure is always made the responsibility of the next person. If you’ve never made yourself climax, how the bad sex is do you expect an enhabitor of another body to do that for you. Today is the beginning or continuation of you taking charge of your own pleasure. Another person can join but you must master the art of pleasuring yourself. Sex is not dirty. The shame is needless. There’s hands, toys and tongues. You deserve nice things. Find your stroke, do it your way. If you’ve never masturbated …CLASS IS IN SESSION!
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